TRY.LEY > Goals, Habits and Routines
Originally posted March 11, 2018
I want to briefly share a few thoughts I’ve had about setting goals and changing habits.
I think it’s important to note is that there are 2 kinds of goals: one is to accomplish something and has an end date and the other is to develop a habit and is ongoing.
With both, it’s important to not only set the goal, but figure out what steps need to be taken to accomplish it and then look at your schedule and actually set a time to do it. If your goals are more of the long term/developing habit variety, the key is sustainability. You want to set goals that you will be able to sustain long term. So for example, I’ve set my physical goal to lose 60 lbs. by my birthday. That has an end date. But because I don’t want that to be just a one and done thing, I’ve also set some goals that will help me maintain a more active lifestyle. I know I can’t commit to an hour in the gym everyday, but I can get up and run for 20 minutes first thing in the morning. That may change as I progress but right now I know I can sustain a 20 minute run.
It was pretty easy for me figure out what I wanted my physical goals to be but I’ve been unsettled about what I want my spiritual goals to be. There’s not one big thing I’m really working towards. The next step in my spiritual progression is marriage and I can’t really put a date on that since I’m so incredibly single*. So my spiritual goals are more of the developing habits type deal.
In November, some of the leaders in the LDS church, Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder M. Russell Ballard hosted a Face to Face event for young single adults where they answered questions from YSAs around the world. Something that really stuck out to me from the event was the concept of holy habits and righteous routines that Elder Oaks shared from a stake president who had converted to the church. Here’s what Elder Oaks said:
“[The stake president] explained that holy habits are the things every member of the church should have: personal prayers, scripture study, keep the commandments, attend church. Everybody should have holy habits to go ahead and mature in the church. He said, “but you’re probably wondering what I mean by righteous routines. A new convert also needs righteous routines but I cannot say what they will be for you because they are personal according to the needs of a convert and their background.” He said, “for instance, when I joined the church I was in college and I was drinking beer every Saturday night with my buddies.” And he said, “the smell of beer just really turned me on.” The smell of beer has always turned me off. But to him, it didn’t stink. It drew him in to social routines and temptations that he could not afford to have if he was going to keep the Word of Wisdom. So he said to the new converts, “you need to analyze what temptations you need to go out of your way to avoid. For me,” he said, “it was to walk home a different way and not pass the bar where the guys were gathering.” A righteous routine for him is not what it would be for you. But analyze your own circumstances and alongside the holy habits, put the righteous routines crafted to help you with what you need to mature in the gospel.”
I feel like these concepts apply to every person who is changing habits in their lives. You need to have a solid foundation and then make adjustments in your routine that make it easier to keep the habits you are developing. I think that the adjustment in your routine is where you will find sustainability. In order for me to do my run in the mornings, I’ve had to adjust my schedule so I have time to do that. If didn’t make the conscious effort to wake up earlier, I never would’ve fit it into my day and it wouldn’t have become a habit I could sustain.
So I want to readjust my spiritual goals. I want to: develop and maintain holy habits.
Praying daily
Studying scriptures daily
Regular temple attendance
I’m a perfectionist and I feel like the habits I want to have aren’t incredibly hard and I should be able to do it all. I’m really trying to remind myself that habits aren’t developed overnight, it’s a process and I’m trying to be forgiving of myself when I fall short of my own expectations. My mom shared a blog post with me once that has become a treasure in my life and I want to share it with all of you. It’s called Drops of Awesome and it’s the idea of celebrating your victories instead of beating yourself up for your shortcomings. As I’ve spent the last few years being tortured by seemingly unfair circumstances, it’s been INCREDIBLY hard for me to feel like anything I was doing was improving my situation. Even the biggest victories felt insignificant and my mindset was more along the lines of, “that’s cool but I still have so far to go.” Drops of Awesome has taken on new life for me as I’ve started this process of trying to improve.
Well, that’s all I really have to say. I hope that helps you feel more capable of sticking to your goals.
—TRYLEY
*I’m only low-key complaining because it is mostly an intentional choice not to date. I don’t feel like I need to justify myself/my decision but I do want to be clear on this: I believe relationships should be selfless and right now I’m choosing to be selfish with my time in order to heal and learn and grow.